Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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