I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
