Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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