all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
