It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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