I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he puts the penis in happiness.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
