Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
