God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
