I think I am morally bankrupt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
