You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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