just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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