You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
