Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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