Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
