omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
