everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
