eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
