my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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