I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
