Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
