Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He has the fingertips of a God
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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