Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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