I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
