i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
