I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
