let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
