he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
