Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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