woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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