Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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