He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
