6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
