It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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