he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
