the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
