Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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