fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to stick my p in your. b.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
