Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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