I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was confusing and full of hummus
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
