If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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