i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
