Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
