Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
