if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
