I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
