just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
