Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
