The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
