my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
