He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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