um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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