what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
