Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
