woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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