I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
