Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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