First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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