Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
