Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
