it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
