She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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