I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize