i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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