yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
