i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
