So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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