He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
