at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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