and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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