why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
