Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
