I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
