i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
