Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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