I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
