I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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