look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize