I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
