If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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