I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
