I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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