i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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