I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let's paint friendship bongs
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
