I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
