Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
