I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
