Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
