i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize