It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
