I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
