A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
