Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
