I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
