so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
