Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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