He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
