I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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