the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
