Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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