You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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