Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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