I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
