I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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