My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
