I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had sex on a roof
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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